alcoholics

Beginners’, Gender-Specific and Specialty Meetings

There are a variety of 12-step meetings, in addition to those discussed previously, that are designed to meet the needs of specific populations and purposes.

Beginners’ (Newcomers’) Meetings

Typically held before “regular” 12-step meetings, and often of shorter duration, beginner’s meetings usually concentrate on the first three steps, or on other issues especially affecting beginners.  The effectiveness of these meetings is largely dependent upon the skills and attention brought to bear by the leader(s). Outside speakers are often brought in to talk about their early recovery or other more specific issues. On occasion, a panel of “old-timers” may be convened to answer the newcomers’ questions.

Beginners’ meetings are an excellent resource for newcomers, and are also a wonderful way to become acquainted with others in the group.

Gender-Specific Meetings

The subjects of mixed-gender sponsorship, “13th-Stepping”, newcomers in relationships and other issues of poorly-focused recovery are best left for another time. Suffice it to say that it has been found inadvisable to do too much gender mixing, especially in early recovery. People who don’t know how to have relationships with themselves  have no business in relationships involving lust, sex and whatever they imagine passes for “love.”

There are a number of axioms in NA and AA regarding separation of gender groups in recovery, perhaps best summed up in the popular one used by our women members, “Women will save your butt. Men will just pat it.”  For this and simple reasons of common issues and answers, we have men’s meetings, women’s meetings, gay meetings and trans-gender meetings. Obviously, in most cases, each is limited to people of that gender or gender preference.

“Specialty” 12-Step Meetings

There is a fairly broad range of meetings that need a bit of explanation. Although they generally fall into the category of “discussion” meetings, they have aspects that set them a bit apart.

As Bill Sees It meetings are similar in format to Big Book meetings, but are based on the book of the same name, a collection of Bill Wilson’s writings from various sources. This format lends itself to broad topics that are indexed in the back of the book.

Living Sober­ meetings are also based on a book of the same name. This paperback book, official AA literature, contains 30 short articles on various aspects of the sober life and how to deal with them. The format is generally the same as the other literature study meetings.

Grapevine meetings are based on the AA Grapevine, a monthly magazine published by AA The magazine contains a variety of articles and letters that make excellent topics for discussion, including at least three each issue that are intended to be used that way.

Old Timers’ meetings usually involve a panel of members with a good deal of sobriety under their belts. (No one has actually ever defined “old-timer” specifically. It’s generally accepted that if you have 20 years of continuous sobriety, you are one, and if you have 5 years you probably aren’t. Clearly, there’s a wide gray area.) In any case, these folks answer questions posed by members from the floor.

Askit Basket meetings are similar to Old-Timers’ meetings. Members write questions on pieces of paper, which are placed in a collection basket or someone’s hat. A panel of experienced members answers questions drawn at random, after which there is a general discussion. This format allows shy people to ask  questions anonymously, and is usually quite popular.

Meditation meetings, also called Eleventh Step Meetings, follow a variety of formats, generally centered on a reading or short discussion of a particular idea, and then guided or unguided meditation on the subject. Often there is a period of discussion after the meditation period, as well.

Business and Group Conscience Meetings

Business meetings are for discussing the everyday operation of the group: who will chair meetings, who will find speakers, who will be the General Services Representative, and so forth. Secretaries and Treasurers are elected at these meetings. The twelve-step groups do not have presidents, etc. “Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”

Group conscience meetings are called when needed to resolve non-business issues. They are often held before or after business meetings in order to arrive at a consensus regarding a problem or potential problem that may have arisen within the group. This could, for example, involve whether or not to move the location of meetings, or how to deal with subjects such as discussing other drugs at AA meetings.

It is extremely important that we attend these meetings. They are the primary means by which we may let our ideas about our home groups affect their operation. If we do not attend group conscience and business meetings, we have no right to complain about the way our groups are being run.

Addicts, Alcoholics and Holiday Parties: What’s A Hostess To Do?

Folks in the addiction and alcoholism treatment fields are often asked about how a host should handle holiday parties attended by recovering friends.  Social occasions that involve people in recovery, especially those in early recovery, can pose some perplexing problems for a host.

On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation.  On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, for some of us, it might not be the healthiest of environments, and a host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests who are in recovery. Here are some pointers on how to handle this delicate situation while, at the same time, being fair to all.

There are some simple things to remember. [Read more…]

I Don’t Like Identifying Myself As An Addict At Meetings — Do I Have To?

Q.  I do not like identifying myself as an addict. I feel it is something I have, not something I am, and saying it constantly just reinforces the mistake, in my opinion, that we are addicts rather than that we have an addiction. Is it appropriate to abstain from identifying myself that way in AA or NA meetings?

A.  I have diabetes, so I’m a diabetic.  That’s not all of what I am.  I am many other things: a writer, a father, a husband, a photographer, a recovering person, a brother, a geek, a lover of nature, a birdwatcher, a friend, a person who attempts to sustain a spiritual life, and so forth.  However, if I forget that I am a diabetic, I’m in trouble.  If I fail to practice the behavior appropriate to my condition, then the quality of my life will be far less, and its length substantially shortened.

The reasons we in the 12-step fellowships have evolved the tradition of identifying as alcoholics, addicts, or what have you, are several.  We do it to let others in the meeting know that we belong there.  We do it because humans love ritual, and little rituals like that build cohesion in the fellowship, as do others like reading How It Works in AA, the several excerpts from the Basic Text that are read at NA meetings, and similar customs at other fellowships.  We do it because it shows a willingness to identify ourselves as one of the group.  But the most important reason is precisely the one that you allude to above as being an undesirable thing: we do it because it reinforces the self-knowledge that we are addicted — a fact that, should we forget it or begin to question it, could kill us.  It is one more defense against the denial that comes along with addictions of all kinds.

By nit-picking at little details, we distract ourselves from the initially uncomfortable fact that we are, in the most important respects, just like the other people in the room.  We make pious statements about “labeling,” when in fact if we were — for example — a PhD, we would have little resistance to labeling ourselves at the drop of a hat.  So, if saying I'm an addict makes me uncomfortable, I have to ask myself why. Is it because I’m “different?”  Is it because I’m still not convinced that I have a chronic disease?  Is it because, deep down, I don’t want to be associated with “those people” because of pride?

As our denial lessens, and as we begin to identify with the reality of our dilemma and realize the safest path out of it, we become less resistant to calling a spade a spade.  In the meantime, if we need to be just a little bit different, we can identify as a person who “desires to stop drinking,” or is “addicted to smack,” or something that we believe suitable.  They will serve the purpose.

But let’s not kid ourselves about why we’re doing it.

Addicts, Alcoholics and Holiday Parties:
What’s A Hostess To Do?

Folks in the addiction and alcoholism treatment fields are often

asked about how a host should handle holiday parties attended by recovering friends.  Social occasions that involve people in recovery, especially those in early recovery — can pose some perplexing problems for a host.

On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation.  On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, for some of us, it might not be the healthiest of environments, and a host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests who are in recovery. Here are some pointers on how to handle this delicate situation while, at the same time, being fair to all.   [Read more…]

Addicts, Alcoholics and Holiday Parties:What’s A Hostess To Do?

Folks in the addiction and alcoholism treatment fields are often

asked about how a host should handle holiday parties attended by recovering friends.  Social occasions that involve people in recovery, especially those in early recovery — can pose some perplexing problems for a host.

On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation.  On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, for some of us, it might not be the healthiest of environments, and a host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests who are in recovery. Here are some pointers on how to handle this delicate situation while, at the same time, being fair to all.   [Read more…]