alcoholic

Thought: We Are Not Guilty of Addiction

Whose Fault is a Drug Addiction? Parents or Individuals?

Not long ago I was conducting a therapy group at Sunrise Detox when a client shared about how bad he is, how he just can’t forgive himself, and that his addiction is all his fault. When I assured him that the disease is not his fault, another group member raised her hand and insisted that her disease is actually her parents’ fault. Again, I replied that her disease is not her parents’ fault.

We are not responsible for having become addicted; we are only responsible for our recovery.I replied that no one is to blame for addiction. As is the case with diabetes and similar diseases, we are not responsible for having become addicted; we are only responsible for our recovery. Well, that set off a firestorm of controversy, and a great discussion. The questions flew! “Then whose fault is it,” blurted yet another member of the group.

How can this not be my fault when I’m the one who picks up the drink/drug?

My parents make me so mad I just have to use…I can’t help it! How is that not their fault?

I’m an alcoholic and now my oldest son is an alcoholic too. He got this from me and I feel terrible about it.

Sometimes We Feel the Need to Assign Blame

Considering the devastation that addiction causes in the life of a person, a family, even a community, it’s easy to see why there’s a desire to place blame. If it’s not someone’s fault, we feel even more out of control. Humans hate not knowing the “why” of things, and if we don’t get good answers we make up our own. I love it when these questions and comments come up, because I get to give people good news.

not-guilty-quote2We are, I remind the group, accountable for our behavior, in or out of active addiction. Our addictive behavior affects other people, so when the time comes, the right thing for us to do is to make amends: to the best of our ability fix or make right the damage we have done to others. We are accountable, even though we were not in our right minds when we did the damage.

Is Addiction a Disease?

We are not responsible, however, for having the medical condition that caused us to act as we did. Although we may have made some unwise choices along the way, not one of us set out to devastate our lives by becoming an addict. Social, psychological, neurological and genetic factors combined to make what was, at first, a pleasant experience into a perpetual nightmare. We did not choose for that to happen, and would certainly not have done what we did if we had any idea of the real consequences. We are, perhaps, guilty of bad judgement. But we are not guilty of addiction.

Responsibility for an Addiction is Not The Same as Responsibility for Recovery

A parent who may feel guilty for passing the gene along needs to know that we have no more control over our offspring’s addiction than over the color of their eyes. The only control that we have regarding a child’s addiction from this day on is to be an honest example of recovery, a model of living in the solution and of finding happiness without substances.

We Are Responsible for Our Recovery

Just as we are not guilty of our own addiction and have no control over the addictions of others, others have no control over our addiction. We can remain solid in our recovery even if we are stressed, enraged, wounded, or feel uncomfortable about the behavior of someone else. However, we may find that distancing ourselves from people who trigger those emotions is beneficial for us, especially early on. That makes it easier to disentangle our emotions from theirs, strengthen our recovery, and develop some healthy boundaries. No matter what anyone else does, our recovery is our own responsibility.

Addiction— whether our own or that of others — is nobody’s fault. Sometimes stuff just happens, and no one is to blame.

Why Can’t Recovering Addicts Use In Moderation?

A client asks: If we can change our thinking in order to abstain from using alcohol and other drugs, then why can’t we change our thinking to be able to use in moderation?

Why can't addicts use in moderation?  Think about it: why couldn’t we simply use “in moderation” without all the hassle of detox, treatment, and a program of recovery? If we couldn’t do it then, why should we be able to do it now? Those are the real questions!

The key is “change our thinking.” We don’t think our way out of addiction. We make a decision to get clean and sober, and to follow the suggestions of our program of choice, in order to facilitate abstinence. The thinking and process of our programs of recovery relieve some of the emotional pressures we created with our addiction and equip us to live sober lives, but they do not “cure” the addiction.

Abstinence and the subsequent repairs that our bodies are able to effect in our brains allow our addiction(s) to enter remission. Our brains slowly deactivate the extra receptor sites that clamored for more drugs and caused our compulsion to use, and at the same time the production of chemicals normally found in the brain has to ramp back up from being suppressed by the presence of the drugs. Not until this process is complete — and it can take months — do we reach the point of feeling relatively normal, although we begin to feel better long before the job is done.

Feeling better is part of the problem, too. Because the repairs to our brains depend on abstinence, as long as there are any of a wide variety of abusable drugs in our systems, the repairs can’t take place. And because they also take time, and that means that the desire to use won’t go away entirely for quite awhile; it will come and go. We can easily decide that we’ve been clean for a while so we ought to be able to “handle it.” But if we give in and use, even a little, the repairs to our brain will slow down, prolonging the physical recovery process. It is also quite likely that the combination of reuniting with our old obsession, combined with the indisputable fact that people on drugs do stupid things, will cause us to decide more would be better. Continued use will reverse the recovery process and kick us back into full-blown addiction.

Recovery is not a matter of willpower. If it were, we would have simply ignored the compulsion and stopped. The compulsion comes from a part of the brain that isn’t affected by conscious thought. We can’t think our way into sobriety; we need abstinence too. Here at Sunrise Detox, we see a lot of folks who think that they can use in moderation.  Again, and again, and again….

Things Clients Say In Detox — Denial On The Hoof

We thought we would list some of the things that we hear clients say.  You can substitute any drug for any other drug in any statement or comment.  Denial ain’t just a river in Africa, remember?

I don't even know why I'm here.  I'm not an addict.

You're here for some reason.  You didn't just walk in to see what it was like.  Some major problem in your life got you through the doors.  You may as well hang out for a while and see if we can help you with the problem — whatever it is.

Marijuana isn’t addictive, because there’s no withdrawal.

It is true that years ago there was no noticeable withdrawal from marijuana use, but in those days cannabis had only about 1/10th the active ingredients that today’s hybridized varieties have.  Even then, chronic users often had trouble quitting.

Today, there is acute withdrawal that involves irritability, sleeping difficulties, mood swings, loss of appetite and other issues.  We also know that there is a post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) that  includes depression and cognitive disorders, and that can last for many months.

I'll stop drinking, but I'm still going to smoke a blunt now and then.

Recovery requires abstaining from all mood-altering drugs.  We cannot pick and choose.  All drugs work on our reward system.  Addiction occurs when the reward system loses the ability to make us feel good without the extra stimulation of drugs.  If we continue to stimulate the reward system so that it cannot return to normal, then we will continue to have cravings.

I only drink wine or beer.

All ethyl alcohol (ethanol) affects the human body the same way, and one six-ounce glass of wine, one 12 ounce beer, and one shot of 80 proof liquor all contain roughly the same amount of alcohol.

I only drink on weekends.

It is not important when we drink.  What matters is how much, and why.  If we are waking up with a hangover, which is really alcohol withdrawal, we are drinking enough to cause changes in our brains, even if we only do it two or three days out of the week.  And are we really remaining totally abstinent the rest of the week, or are we having a couple to “relax” each evening?  If that is the case, why do we need alcohol to relax?

I only use (pick a drug) occasionally, so I won’t become addicted.

There are millions of addicts who have found out the hard way that, despite their denial, the occasions tend to get closer and closer together until they have merged, so that we need the drug to be comfortable.  When we are more comfortable under the influence of drugs than we are without them, we are well on the way to addiction.

Alcohol doesn’t bother me; I can drink all my buddies under the table.

Increasing tolerance for alcohol or any other drug is the first sign of addiction.  If we can drink, snort, swallow or shoot more than we used to be able to handle, we’re in trouble.

“I can take it or leave it.”  (I just choose to take it.)

Put it down and don’t touch it for two weeks.  Let us know how that works for you.  Try it again.  Learn anything about denial?

I only have a couple of drinks at home, just to relax.

There is nothing wrong with that, unless we cannot relax without the drinks.  In that case we need to do some hard thinking.  We also we need to look at what we consider a “couple of drinks.”  A standard drink is one shot of 80-proof liquor, one six-ounce glass of wine, or one 12-ounce beer.  “Topping off” is cheating.  So is filling an iced-tea glass with ice and booze and calling it “a drink.”

My whole family drinks like me.

Alcoholism has a strong hereditary component, as do some other addictions.  Need we go on?

The bottom line is this: If drugs, including alcohol, are causing problems in our lives, whether they be hangovers, missing work, “discussions” with our spouses or partners, DUI’s, or any other issues, then they are a problem.  There are no two ways about it.  Either they cause problems or they don’t.  Then the big question becomes why we are continuing to do something that continues to cause us problems.

Now that is a good question — a very good question.

Shame About Alcohol Use May Increase The Likelihood Of Relapse

The study, conducted by researchers from the University of British Columbia, shows that behavioral displays of shame strongly predicted whether recovering alcoholics would relapse in the future.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/02/130204114246.htm

Hosting An Addict At A Holiday Party

If you're wondering how to deal with a loved one's addiction issues while still making them welcome at a holiday party, this previous post by blogger Bill W. may provide some help and assurance.

Folks in the addiction and alcoholism treatment fields are often asked about how a host should handle a holiday party attended by recovering friends. Social occasions that involve people in recovery, especially those in early recovery — can pose some perplexing problems for a host.

On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation. On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, for some of us, it might not be the healthiest of environments, and a host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests who are in recovery. Here are some pointers on how to handle this delicate situation while, at the same time, being fair to all.

Read more: http://sunrisedetox.com/blog/2011/12/10/addicts-alcoholics-holidays-parties-3/

Research on drug use goes down the toilet

Analysis Of Waste Water May Be The Key To
Determining Community Drug Use

Sewers don’t lie. People may be less than forthright about what they put into their bodies, especially if that includes illicit drugs, but a chemical analysis of what comes out of their bodies removes all mystery. According to drug and addiction researchers, analysing wastewater for remnants of illicit substances provides the only truly objective indicator of drug use patterns in a community.

“Whatever you think about drugs, people need to have objective data so they can at least have an informed discussion,” says Caleb Banta-Green, a research scientist at the University of Washington’s Alcohol and Drug Abuse Institute in Seattle.

Read More…

I don’t feel that (AA or NA) works for me; any suggestions?

ADDICTION AND RECOVERY (c) Bill W. 2011

Q. I don't that feel (AA or NA) works for me; any suggestions?

Rather than answering the question directly, let me ask you a few questions. You only have to answer them for yourself. What your reply to me might be is completely immaterial.

1.   Did you go to a meeting every day, or did you find excuses to stay away?
2.   Did you talk to people, or did you arrive late and leave early, avoiding contact?
3.   Did you sit up front and pay attention, or did you sit in the back and keep track of all the things in the meeting that you didn’t approve of?
4.   Did you share — at least your name — or did you keep quiet and try to look cool so people wouldn’t know you were a newcomer?
5.   Did you get a Big Book or Basic Text (and read it)?
6.   Did you get a sponsor?
7.   Did you talk to your sponsor and get to know him or her?
8.   Did you do any work on the Steps?
9.   Did you become involved with service: putting away chairs, making coffee, cleaning up, greeting people (especially other newcomers) to make them feel at home?
10.  Did you get to know people who would include you in their activities outside of meetings, like going for coffee, picnics, and the many other things that program people to do have fun?
11.  Did you keep coming back, even when you didn’t feel like it?
12.  Did you want to believe the group could help, or did you look for things that were wrong with it — things to be offended by; reasons to disapprove?

The program won’t work for you — unless you work for it.  If you’ll think about your answers, you’ll discover the suggestions.