From the New York Times blogs:
The first time I took Adderall I didn’t think twice. It was 2007. I was in my last year at U.C.L.A., where I had come down with a bad case of senioritis, and found myself cramming for finals. I bought it from a gangly kid with yellow skin and bags under his eyes who lived in the dorms. His hair was stringy. There were papers on the floor and piles of clothes on all the furniture in the room. Above his desk was a poster of John Belushi from “Animal House,” chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels and wearing a sweatshirt that read COLLEGE….
Read more: The Last All-Nighter



Strength? We don’t need no stinkin’ strength!
Nowadays I hear a lot of folks saying (to recovering people) things like “You’re so strong!” and “Be strong!” I hear newcomers say “I pray for the strength to beat my addiction,” and other stuff like that. While I understand the thinking behind such remarks (all too well), there are a few comments I’d like to make.
That does require a certain amount of guts. We addicts and codependents hate to admit that we aren’t in control. In fact, though, weren’t most of our problems based on our illusions of control: controlling our drinking or other drugging; controlling our addicts; controlling our kids; getting everything just right and then having it welded, as a friend of mine used to say? (He was talking about tuning his 12-string, but the remark is so addict!)
When we have the strength to admit that we’ve lost control, that we’re whipped, that we can’t go on, then we have finally reached the point where recovery is possible. Without that realization of powerlessness, recovery is unlikely, if not impossible. That’s why I worry when I hear folks speaking in terms of “strength.” When we think that way, we are in danger of becoming convinced that we are no longer powerless, that we can control our using and keep it “social” this time, that he really isn’t a rotten wife-beating s.o.b. when he’s drinking, that if we just took Muffy in off the street and give her a clean place to sleep, she’ll realize that she’s much better off and will quit using those nasty drugs.
In early recovery we don’t have much power, if any. We don’t need strength, we need the humility to learn from others the things that we were unable to learn on our own: how to handle our urges, our relationships, our jobs, our spiritual growth — in short, how to live lives of sobriety. Then, after we’ve gone a good distance in that direction and our bodies and minds have begun to recover from the beating we gave them for all those months or years — at that point we begin having some power over our addictions. As long as we don’t use.
Addiction is like a rattlesnake. I can pick it up and haul it around wherever I please — all day long, if I like. That’s strength. But if I get careless, that’s when I find out what powerlessness is all about.